Praying for the heart of our Father.

Hello, all my dear friends!

I'm sorry for not posting earlier, but it has been such a blessing to still hear your thoughts and know what God is working in your hearts even while we are apart for a while! Your posts have left me with much to ponder and pray about in my own walk as well as for you and our ministry. They have been great encouragements for me to not allow myself to become idle in my spiritual growth. So thank you for sharing!

While I've been away from you, I have been blessed to be working as a nanny for one of the most Godly and loving families I've ever known. And in my free time, I babysit for some couples in my church. So I am constantly surrounded by children! It's exhausting, and I do miss older company, but what I am taking away from my time with them is worth every dirty diaper I have to change or toy I pick up or mess I have to clean off the walls.

Something I noticed last semester is how incredibly generous all my focus friends are. Probably the biggest example I can think of is when Danyelle and I asked everyone at our Monday night hang-out to pitch in for desserts and every single one of you tried to give us at least 5 times more than we had spent. It may not have been such a big deal to any of you, but it touched my heart to see the same friends who would eat at Kerr rather than go out with everyone on Sunday afternoons to save money, giving up that money without a second thought. It inspired me to ask God to give me a more generous heart. Apparently, there is no better way to do that than to spend all your time with kids.

Babies are the most generous people on the planet. All they do all day long is hand you things they find on the floor. The baby girl I take care of will even pick fuzz off the carpet just so she can give it to me. She plays with her toys, but she much prefers to give them to me to play with. The 4 year old and 7 year old are less preoccupied with giving me "gifts," but they still amaze me with their selflessness. When they are taking turns playing with toys, they will often give up their turn so the other sister can play with whatever it is longer. When I took the 4 year old to a birthday party, she saved her goody-bag to give to her sister. I often hear one or the other of them talk about her sister giving her her toy because the other sister's matching toy had broken.

I'm sure some of the reason this all seems strange to me is that I haven't had to share "toys" or clothes or much of anything for a very long time. Maybe I've just gotten out of the habit. But I think most of it is due to my subconscious practice of labeling all things as either "mine" or "not mine" (i.e. "yours"). This, paired with belief that what is "not mine" is none of my concern and, conversely, what is "mine" should be none of anyone else's concern, has given me plenty of opportunity to practice selfishness, apathy, and occasionally a feeling of superiority. This may not seem relevant to praying for a generous heart, until you apply it to something like knowledge of our ultimate truth (God) and a personal relationship with the Creator of life. I'm sure a lot of our generation would agree that a religious belief is "mine" and "none of anyone else's concern," and that I have just as little right to make another person's religious beliefs my business.

Something Geoff said at SICM brought all this together for me. (I can't remember exactly what he said, so this is just what I got from it:) It is the ultimate display of hatred toward a fellow human being to know what harm they are coming to, a way to prevent it, and to keep that knowledge to one's self. There is no excuse for the amount of selfishness there is in knowing what grace and peace come from living in relationship with our Savior, and keeping from someone who is walking through life without it.

So it has been, and continues to be, my prayer for myself as well as for all of us, that we would have hearts of generosity. That we would be so filled with our Father's love for his children that we could not contain it. That no amount of cultural training could keep us from spreading the truth we know. Because it is not "our" truth. It is the truth. And the blessings that come from loving like that are beyond anything we could ever dream.

The Rock

     Each week the children's ministry at my home church in Garland (Spring Creek Community Church) puts on a show based around a particular virtue for that month. The show usually consists of two story lines, acted out by volunteers. One story line being based around the "hosts" of the production, titled "The Rock". The other story line based around reoccurring characters that get in some type of adventure that ties into the virtue of the month.
   
     The host segment consist of a comic host (that usually brings fun and entertainment to the sketch) and a credible host (that moves the sketch along while reminding the kids what they're here to study). They do the welcome/intro and a segment titled "The Word", where we usually crack open a bible.

     The other part consist of an intro and exit sketch (the meat of the production and where the story unfolds) and a wrap up where all the characters say a sentence or two about what they learned. The reoccurring characters all have developed personalities from years and years of doing sketches. The sketches are sent in from a sister church in Atlanta with the sketches repeating about every 3 years.

     I tell you this because I volunteer as an actor for these sketches along with nearly a dozen other wonderfully talented (much more so than myself) people. Each time I volunteer I find myself taking the message and applying it to myself. I'm amazed how often a message for children can so practically be applied to myself. It should also be noted that I don't care for writing. So to have a constant feed of material to write about, I get to skip the entire "thinking of what to write" process.

     Each week that I volunteer, I'll come back here to write about what lesson we taught to the kids and I'll turn around and ask myself (and others) how that relates to us. The message may be made for 7 year old children, but who's to say that that it can't make an impact in my life.

     Next time I write it will be to tell you about the virtue of faith and how the overly dramatic story of a girl killing a turtle on her bike, relates to tragedy in our life. I'll do my best to relate it to the ministry as well.

The brutally epic thrilling story of life or death (or, more simply, my morning at church)

"Going to my home church for the first time in about a year. I'm scared as to how God's gonna use me here."

Yup, that was my tweet this morning. Okay, let me say this first, scared really wasn't the best word. I don't know what it is, but there's something about social media that turns me into an overly overexaggerating wimp. I mean, I guess I can't be too harsh on myself; it's kinda been a while since I'd been to my home church. And alot of things have changed in my walk with God, the biggest in reference to going back is my view of what I should be doing Sunday morning to please my Savior.

Ok, first of all, so you all know why I'm making (or appear to be making) such a big deal out of this, let me give you some specs on my home church.

Name: Trinity Lutheran Church

Synod: Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod (this means they're the conservative branch, and very traditional)

Style of Worship: Hymns and chants (and not the cool hymns I like like In Christ Alone and Nothing But The Blood, but the old style solemn dragging ones that I have trouble even understanding without the funeral procession-like tune)

Instruments of choice: Pipe Organ, and some occasional trumpet and trombone

Communion: Some sort of processed grain wafers and wine, yes I said it, WINE. They do it hardcore here.

So there you have it. Just a bit of background on why I never really liked to worship God growing up, but I feel like that's a whole different story. The real point of this post is to ask the question once posed by singer/role model Joe Strummer of the upright band The Clash, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Coming back home, my first concern really was finding a new church to go to, since I didn't feel as much of a connection with the one I grew up in. When it came down to it though, I did feel guilty about just getting up and leaving this place that had (even though maybe I don't feel in the best way) brought me to the start of my relationship with Christ. I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing the people I had met there and knew (mostly people at least twice my age. I forgot to mention, there was never really a youth group when I was there, and there still isn't.) The people that were never shy to say hi or ask how I was doing. And before I turn this into a sob story about "not forgetting my roots" or whatever, let me just say I realized something. I realized that no matter how different these people's favored style of worship was, no matter if they had different views on whatever types of theology, these people loved and needed Jesus as much as I did.

Yes! Me! I couldn't believe that I had been thinking it! Thinking that, just because I was figuring out my relationship with Jesus somewhere else in a different way, that these people had no clue, and the best thing for me to do was just up and leave them.

So that's when I asked myself, "What if God wants me to stay here?" What if He wants me, even though I feel so distant from Him hollowly singing words that some dead guy wrote in medieval language hundreds of years before I was born, to bear with it? To stop thinking about feeling that good feeling about singing His praises, and knowing that, just singing them for His glory is what he wants? Just that His worship is enough, no matter if I'm not exactly having the best time doing it?

Wow... My mind has pretty much melted by now. Though I'm tired and these are just incomplete thoughts coming out in a stream of consciousness, please bear with me, not only because I'm sick of listening to myself, but I just have one last thought.

When I was sitting in the pews, I noticed these two other guys, probably about high school age, doing what I was doing at that age, just going through the motions of Sunday morning service. (Now whether they actually were or not is hard to tell, because, well, that's just how it is with a traditional church. To me, anyways.) Because of this, I began to wonder, "Do these guys know how much Jesus loves them and wants a relationship with them?" or were they just like me a little over a year ago, brought to church by their parent(s) and wondering, why the heck do I really even need to do this? I don't know, but it gave me an idea.

All the time I spent in that church on Sunday growing up, I wanted a revolution so so bad. I wanted everything to turn around in a sudden outburst of energy. I don't even know specifically what I wanted, but I knew I wanted it to happen. I feel like I could do this. I feel like I could start a youth group. I feel like I could take the 4-6 high school age kids, meet with them, get to know them, and show them how much I care about their relationship with Jesus. I guess, now I know. Maybe that's just what I wanted when I was growing up.

*Feel free to please question or comment on my thoughts. Even if it's criticism. Thanks so much for listening.*

Introvert or Extrovert?

Last week I became very much aware of my answer to that question, and I am definitely the introvert appearing to be extroverted. I might strike as the outgoing gal but I let a lot of fears take over me; which keeps me from meeting people. So why be both instead of one? That is what I want to know! I know that as a disciple of Christ I am supposed to be extroverted - because I think it is my duty to go be fruitful, meet people and make disciples out of them! There shouldn’t be a reason for me to be afraid because I know the Holy Spirit will speak through me. Only one conclusion left. I’m not afraid of speaking the Gospel (never will be) I become that introverted person whenever my personal emotions come into the picture. Somewhere down the line I notice I become too focused in getting to know the other person, that I have forgotten for them to get to know me. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around being both and at times think it doesn’t make sense. What is exactly that I am afraid of? Of my fears being know to later be used against me. I know its such a selfish mentality, I am keeping my guard up and I am being a friend to others, but not letting them be a friend back. There hasn’t been a past experience that has made me lose trust in people, this idea has always been a part of me.

My worry is that by slacking from my part, I am not being the disciple or making the disciples God wants me to be. Since it is a priority to be an Extrovert and only that, this is what I am doing about it. Matthew 28: 19-20 states clearly my command. So by closing myself off, am I not being the mentor I want to be? Of course not.

I am taking action!

1. Prayer

2. Since Prayer does require action, I want to focus on Jesus style of mentoring and learn how boldly he carried himself when meeting people. I am not asking “What Would Jesus Do” I am asking how did he do it!

3. I am making 2 Corinthians 9:7 my motive. God loves a joyful giver, and I want to give my all to friendships without being afraid to do so.

My question to you: Are you the extroverted or introverted person? And is it keeping you from anything?

If you are me, come join me to become a fearless person in your walk.